“I will no longer allow
my wife to be subjected to this type of abuse,” my husband Bill, a seasoned
trial attorney, informed the moderator/pastor at a call meeting of our
church’s governing body. Standing up, Bill continued in a tone punctuated
with credibility and finality. “I resign my position, as a member of this
Session, and my resignation is effective immediately.” As the group responded
with looks of disbelief and a deafening silence, I walked out of the inquisition
chamber with my husband. Before I went to sleep that night, I vowed I would
never permit myself to be devalued, tyrannized, stifled, or muzzled again.
It was
May 1989 when I received a “summons” to appear for questioning about what
I considered to be cultic methodology, spiritual/power abuse, and hidden
agendas at a well-known historic church (see www.the-innside-scoop.com/spirabuse.htm).
As if I were in a preliminary hearing, I was questioned to determine whether
or not a church court was needed to further examine or discipline me—a
middle-aged matron who refused to play “follow the leader” in spite of
“either-or” proclamations from the pulpit.
After answering
each question asked, I was found guiltless. However, still convinced that
I was “wrong, wrong, wrong” for questioning and disagreeing with one of
“God’s anointed,” the young, first-time pastor launched into a lengthy
diatribe against me. Appalled by what was transpring, a senior member of
the group objected and said, “I thought we agreed that we would not conduct
a kangaroo court here tonight.” The protest was ignored by the pastor,
and he continued interrogating me until my husband stood up and resigned
from the group he had twice chaired.
The following
week, Bill submitted his resignation to the Session (as several other members
had already done), and he requested a copy of the proceeding’s tape. His
request for the tape was denied, and the tape mysteriously disappeared
a short time thereafter. A few months later, we followed the lead of a
number of other long-time members, including highly respected community
leaders, and moved our membership to another church.
I never
dreamed that my 1989 “star chamber” proceeding, as Bill calls the event,
or the events leading to it would later prove to be an evolution of blessings
which would change the entire course of my life in a multitude of enriching
ways. During that time, through experiential learning, my scope of understanding
broadened and became more focused. For the first time in my life, I became
cognizant of the differences between healthy spirituality and unhealthy
religiosity. In addition, I became aware of the toxic legacy I had
inherited from my own family-of-origin—a legacy which played an integral
role in my vehement reaction to a new regime’s controlling manipulation,
intimidation, subjugation, and demand for blind obedience/allegiance at
my former church home. Most importantly, I learned that until toxic situations
or legacies are recognized and confronted, they cannot be broken or overcome.
After
years of being urged to tell my story, I am now ready to do so in hopes
that it will provide insight, hope, and courage for countless others whose
lives have been adversely affected by abusive forms of domination found
within family, religion, and society. |
